Gingerbread Thoughts

Jason and I decided to put our architecture and design skills to the test this season in a gingerbread house competition! I considered doing the Martha Stewart thing and making the gingerbread from scratch... then I came to my senses and realized there just isn't enough time in the day. Why shouldn't I take advantage of the modern conveniences that Wal-Mart offers us (pre-packaged gingerbread house kits)? Let's just say that it's a good thing that Jason is the architect and not me! One of my walls kept falling over (mostly because I was pushing the candy on too hard) but not to worry- Jason to the rescue!Let's also just say it's a good thing that I'm the designer and not Jason... after he was done constructing his house, his interest in decorating it waned very quickly. The house in this picture was pretty much his end result!This was how my house turned out in the end... at least it's pretty much finished.

As I was decorating my house I started thinking about the house in a different way. While we were at the store picking out candy to decorate with, I was making all of these perfect plans for my house... brick made out of gum, a candy cane and pretzel gate... my house was going to be PERFECT! Well, soon after I started decorating I realized it wasn't going to be perfect. I always set my expectations really high (especially of myself) and then when they aren't met I get really disappointed. So for me, decorating this gingerbread house and accepting its imperfections was sort of therapeutic. I know that it sounds a little strange- but I was comparing this imperfect little gingerbread house to other expectations in my life. I think I had unrealistic expectations of marriage, not to say that it isn't great, I just thought that we would get married and automatically be a family. I never spent a lot of time thinking about this in-between stage where we are just a couple, going to school, working to survive, and trying to find time to be together. It took me almost a year of marriage to accept this part of my life as it is. And I'm finally starting to enjoy it- even though it's not the exact way I had imagined it. Even now, I find myself thinking about our next home and how "perfect" that is going to be with a garage and appliances that are younger than we are, and our next step in bringing kids into our lives and how "perfect" that is going to be. So when this gingerbread house didn't turn out the exact way I had imagined, it was almost a relief that I was able to accept it the way it was. My next house, while it will probably be an improvement to this one, will more than likely not be perfect. Having children will not always be perfect and I probably won't be the perfect mom who makes her own gingerbread. But guess what- I'm finally starting to accept the fact that I'm not and probably will never even be close to perfect. And for me, that's a HUGE deal!... I just hope that I don't crumble and fall to the ground like my little house did...I hope you are all having a festive and bright holiday season!