MEMO

Dear Old Men In My Office:

At what point did the manners your mother taught you get thrown out the window, down the drain, or in the trash?

Was it after you got married? After your marriage turned into a work partnership? Or was it after your divorce?

Well since I am the woman you see for eight hours every day please let me re-instill those manners in you before I puke. You see, I have a rather weak stomach when it comes disgusting noises, smells, and habits.

Lesson #1. Please refrain from coughing up your lungs in front of me. Also, please refrain from doing this every 20 minutes. It sounds like your throwing up and therefore makes me want to throw up.

Here are a few suggestions for you: If you absolutely need to do this, go to the bathroom. If you absolutely need to do this every 20 minutes you should probably see a doctor or keep a glass of water at your desk.

Lesson #2. Please refrain from chewing your lunch, that you eat at your desk that I can see from my desk, with your mouth open. And not just open, but open WIDE.

Here are a few suggestions for you: If you can't breath through your nose while you eat, I have some Kleenex at my desk that you are welcome to use to clear your nasal passageway... in the  bathroom. I don't have any suggestions for you beyond that.

Lesson #3. And finally, please refrain where at all possible to snort and hock a loogie within an ear shot of me. I will throw up if you do it again. That is a promise.

Suggestions for you: I have none.

Lesson #4. Put the toilet seat down. It's bad enough that we have to share a toilet, please don't make me touch it as well.

Suggestions for you: Although this habit may fly at your house, SO taboo in a unisex work place restroom.

Your prompt attention to these matters is greatly appreciated!

Sincerely,
Nicole