I have a small problem... it's called not having faith. It's a control issue with me. I feel like I have to be in control of all things at all times which means I don't really have to trust or rely on anyone else but myself. It usually works okay except for when I'm really overwhelmed and need to rely on someone else to help me. Like the few months that I had Jason handle our bills. Sorry J, I love ya, but it just didn't go that well. So now I'm in control again.
There have definitely been times in my life that I relied purely on faith. But those were huge times... huge life changes, and so now with every day to day life I try to take the reins and do it all myself.
Well, having this little fella inside of me is really testing my faith. I can't control everything. In fact, I feel like I have little control over anything, including my bladder. I hate now knowing exactly how he is growing to make sure that everything is going according to planned. I hate not knowing what my working schedule will be (whether I'll be able to work from home or not), which leads me to not knowing exactly who will be taking care of Harper if I do end up having to go back to the office for work. I hate not knowing if Jason will have a promotion before the baby comes, I hate wondering if we are going to be able to make it. I don't have control over a lot lately and I hate it.
Jason has enough faith for both of us, although I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I contributed to the faith jar. He knows everything will work out. I know it will too, but I want to know how.
A few things have been working out and every time something works out for the best I think I need to stop worrying and have more faith. Someone else is in WAY more control than I ever will be with my own life.
A few things such as:
1. I found out I am able to get back on my dad's insurance policy for a few more years. Which means savings for us and not having to look for private insurance to cover us once the baby arrives. J has insurance benefits at work but they are outrageous for a family of three.
2. There is a pretty good chance that I will be able to continue working part time after the baby is born but from home. Which means no day care which means a much happier mommy.
3. There is a pretty good chance J will get a raise/promotion before or shortly after the baby arrives. Which means more money basically!
4. AND the thing to top it off today is I got a call from the guy who refinanced our loan last year telling us that we can refinance again. This time with absolutely no costs, no rising balances, and an amazing rate that would save us about $100 a month on our mortgage which means a very happy bill payer.
I mean what are the odds. Could he have known that he just strengthened my faith by calling to tell me that. Probably not, in fact he probably just wants to make some money but it's not coming out of our pocket so count my faith increased.
If there is one lesson that I need to learn from this pregnancy it is to have more faith. I'm sure I'll need a lot more of it once Harper actually arrives and our family continues to grow. Now that's a scary thought... more than one kid!
Meet Us
Jason, Nicole & Harper
Meet Harper
a.k.a Goober, Harper Bean, The Goob, Beanie
Meet Our Friends
Watch Me Grow!
One Month
Two Months
Three Months
Four Months
Five Months
Six Months
Seven Months
Eight Months
Nine Months
Ten Months
4 comments:
It's hard once kids come into the picture. Been there done that and back there again. Somehow it works out but there are good days and bad days for sure.
Know that everytime you {think} something isn't going to work out... it IS. It's going to work out for YOUR benefit and it's going to be wonderful, with or without your control, thoughts, planning, or reconfiguring. It's so wonderful when {real} people journal/blog about {real} things. This is something I struggle with and I'm sure alot of other people struggle with... FAITH. I know a few things... one is that you are going to be a wonderful mother, from home or from the office and financially, all things manage to fall into place when you send that {fire insurance} check to the big man each week/month. Keep your head up and keep posting things to inspire :) can't wait to meet Harper :) :)
once again I am exactly the same as you! We are so similar it's creepy. In fact, I've always hoped to be prego over halloween to do something similar for a costume, which probably does sound creepy but I thought it would be hilarious! Anyways, back to faith and CONTROL. I have had to have faith for the big stuff....but let's just say, I definitely pay the bills in this family! I set up calendar reminder on my mac so if I I was incapable of making payments for some reason, there are reminders set up so Chad attempt to pick up where I would have left off :)
oh nichole. you are so me. i'm scared to death of the day travis really does make good on his threat to take over the bills. we'll starve. and have no electricity.
becoming a mother will grow your faith in leaps and bounds. you have to learn to let go or you'll drive yourself crazy. i promise it comes with time. and jason is not only smart, but he's ambitious. he'll always take care of you. you just have to let go enough to give him the chance to do it.
and i know someone who is going to be super baby hungry come march who would probably love to watch a newborn while he mama worked...plus, i owe you:)
Post a Comment